NOW

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Oh, just another day

Calling out: “Here is

A gift of new hope,

New opportunities”,

Perhaps a vision of

NOW?

Yet, the fear strangles

My gut, the question,

Always that question:

Is there a tomorrow?

The dread permeates

My soul and I can hear

That clock ticking, ever

A reminder that time is

A limited allusion, sifting

Through the fingers

Like hot sand on a July

Day at Coney Island.

Desperately I try to hold

On to those “sparkling

Diamonds”,knowing it

Is only a futile gesture.

Child like tears trickle

Down time worn cheeks,

Leaving random spots

On a threadbare shirt.

There is nothing left

To say or think, only

The painful effort to

Move forward, into

The only moment I have.

TIME

Time floats by, as if on a river;

In childhood, ever so slowly, then

Drifting through the teen years

Only to be ignored after college.

There is marriage, careers and

Suddenly, the children have

Come and gone,to be replaced by

Smiling grandchildren, allowing

Us to drift once again in the warm

Waters of fantasy, untethered by

Thoughts of yesterday or tomorrow.

Yes,time permits long, wistful looks

Backward through hazy memories,

And reminders that clarity is now

Not in the future nor in the past.

AGAIN

The unruly tattoo beats

Methodically through

My head: “Unworthy,

Unworthy”,again and again.

Sometimes ever so lightly,

Yet again ever so loudly,

A roiling thunder reminding

ME of failures and sadness.

This ends too often in the

Battle of the bottle, the elixir

That flows into the empty

Playground of my mind.

Why does this never end?

Will I always crawl into that

Cocoon of denial awaiting

Some liquid savior? Again?

The questions persist, why:

-Must I exist, like this?

-Must the mirror be cracked?

-Must I cry tears of failure?

In this court of doom and gloom,

Who is the judge I stand before,

This denigrator and chief? Yes,

It is ME. Again.